FAMILY & RELATIONSHIP // Fatherhood
Who Is a Father? & What Is a Father to You?
by I. Malik Saafir - Jun.01.2021
My answer to the first question, “Who Is A Father?” is from the perspective of a young man who grew up without one. My mother was 13 years old when I was born, and she lived most of her life struggling with drug abuse until she died at the age of 54. She did not tell me who my biological father was until I was 24 years old. By that time, I had discovered the following answer to the above question through a man name Mr. James Anderson.
When I was 20 years old, I met Mr. Anderson. He invited me into his family and raised me as his own. He listened to my story of growing up in a low-income family, my struggles of being raised by a drug-addicted mother, my fight against the temptation of becoming a drug dealer, living in abusive relationships, and running to the military to escape the trauma of my past life. I told him how and why I made unhealthy decisions in the past, and he advised me on how to make healthy ones in the present. He also led me to new opportunities that helped me choose a career that allows me to teach other young men how to overcome the challenges of growing up as a Black male.
So to answer the first question, who is a father, for me, it was a man who listened to me, learned from me, and led me with love. It was Mr. Anderson. Under his care, I realized that the relationship between a father and son is born out of love, not blood. It was he who taught me what it means to be a father. He became my non-biological father, and I became his non-biological son.
My answer to the second question, “what is a father to you” is from my present perspective as a man and father with non-biological sons of my own. Today, I advocate for men with or without biological sons to become non-biological fathers to young men who are not their biological sons. My advocacy is rooted in my reality as a son who had a non-biological father because I now understand the importance. As men and father-figures, we have to positively invest in the lives of our non-biological sons. If men open up their hearts and wisdom to young men searching for a father or a father-figure, that investment can potentially save our young men from years of unnecessary hardship. A son to a non-biological father is a young man who listens, learns from, and follows the guidance of his father-figure with love. A son knows that the father-figure speaks invaluable wisdom born out of shared lived experiences.
A son knows that the father-figure teaches lifelong lessons born out of shared trials and errors. A son knows that the father-figure leads with clarity, courage, and conviction when his non-biological son is unsure about what it means to be Black and male. In contrast, a father-figure is just a son who knows the importance of having a father. Are you a father? Who is a son to you?
When I was 20 years old, I met Mr. Anderson. He invited me into his family and raised me as his own. He listened to my story of growing up in a low-income family, my struggles of being raised by a drug-addicted mother, my fight against the temptation of becoming a drug dealer, living in abusive relationships, and running to the military to escape the trauma of my past life. I told him how and why I made unhealthy decisions in the past, and he advised me on how to make healthy ones in the present. He also led me to new opportunities that helped me choose a career that allows me to teach other young men how to overcome the challenges of growing up as a Black male.
So to answer the first question, who is a father, for me, it was a man who listened to me, learned from me, and led me with love. It was Mr. Anderson. Under his care, I realized that the relationship between a father and son is born out of love, not blood. It was he who taught me what it means to be a father. He became my non-biological father, and I became his non-biological son.
My answer to the second question, “what is a father to you” is from my present perspective as a man and father with non-biological sons of my own. Today, I advocate for men with or without biological sons to become non-biological fathers to young men who are not their biological sons. My advocacy is rooted in my reality as a son who had a non-biological father because I now understand the importance. As men and father-figures, we have to positively invest in the lives of our non-biological sons. If men open up their hearts and wisdom to young men searching for a father or a father-figure, that investment can potentially save our young men from years of unnecessary hardship. A son to a non-biological father is a young man who listens, learns from, and follows the guidance of his father-figure with love. A son knows that the father-figure speaks invaluable wisdom born out of shared lived experiences.
A son knows that the father-figure teaches lifelong lessons born out of shared trials and errors. A son knows that the father-figure leads with clarity, courage, and conviction when his non-biological son is unsure about what it means to be Black and male. In contrast, a father-figure is just a son who knows the importance of having a father. Are you a father? Who is a son to you?
